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    Adam Jarvis

    Member
    October 29, 2020 at 1:40 am

    I had a slightly different take than Chris, but after thinking about it
    for a while I think she’s on the right track.

    I have a few small suggestions:

    Perhaps – “plunge his comprehensive school into chaos” or some such thing; and, I’m not sure I like the idea of “two allies” – either call them friends or suggest they are unlikely allies.

    I am torn with the first line. I liked the first part of your hook #2 because of the punch it delivers – contrasting the sixteenth century nightmare with the surprise of the 1990s. But, this doesn’t mention either England or the comprehensive school, and so we are a little lost on the location. The line that starts with “it’s the 1990s” sounds just a little too news-headline-ish, though it does contain all the relevant details. Some happy compromise, perhaps?

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