- MemberOctober 26, 2020 at 2:25 pm
Hey Chris – I agree with Darren. Drop most of the adjectives and play with the hook in the last sentence and this will really tighten up.
Regarding the ‘Art Crimes Unit’ – while this is fairly central to the plot, your audience may not know what it is. In the conversation around your blurb you described the unit as the one of least funded and the least known units in the FBI. Since you’re going for a bestseller, there’s a good chance that most of the people you will pitch your book to (or who will ultimately read your book) will not know what this unit is.
So, save it for the book, where you can explain what it is and build it into the plot.
Also, looking backwards, I wonder if it’s worth adding the bit about Kate becoming the prime suspect? This would really increase the stakes for your main character, and then really make us think ‘what, how does she get out of that?’
This sounds like an excellent story!
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