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Home Forums First Lines & Page 1 First line and page 1 of ‘Bert…so far’ Reply To: First line and page 1 of ‘Bert…so far’

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    Darren Bodey

    Member
    October 18, 2020 at 1:39 am

    Hi Jan,

    Love the first line and the setup. I would agree that it needs the promise of something. I think Bert has a strong and interesting voice and I know the context of the story but I would like something that makes me want to know what I I’m for in 20-30 pages plus. I’m not sure the last paragraph is necessary – “if you haven’t guessed it already” – I think what this paragraph states is already clear and, if it isn’t, it should be, without repeating it. This paragraph may be better served making you want to turn the page and look forward to what is coming in the book. Having said all this I don’t know any children of MG age and I failed miserably when I tried to write MG, so take it with a pinch of salt. Maybe they need this extra reminder and maybe the the adventurous exploits and attitude of Bert is enough promise for the book? Keep up the good work! Darren

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