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Home Forums First Lines & Page 1 First line and page 1 of ‘Bert…so far’ Reply To: First line and page 1 of ‘Bert…so far’

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    Nicole Muchowski

    Member
    October 17, 2020 at 6:12 pm

    <div>I really like that first line. And it flows well into the rest of the first page.</div><div>

    Jumping off from Kell’s comment, if you remove “There were loads of tourists… stupid not to.”, then the reader questions “Why does listening mean trouble with a capital T?”, and “What did he/she/they do that they needed to escape?” might stand out stronger.

    Then you could start the next page with the list of excuses of why it was a good idea to do the extra trip.

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    As a reader, I’m perfectly OK with what you have written, as-is. I DO want to know what kinda trouble they found.

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