- MemberOctober 17, 2020 at 6:12 pm
<div>I really like that first line. And it flows well into the rest of the first page.</div><div>
Jumping off from Kell’s comment, if you remove “There were loads of tourists… stupid not to.”, then the reader questions “Why does listening mean trouble with a capital T?”, and “What did he/she/they do that they needed to escape?” might stand out stronger.
Then you could start the next page with the list of excuses of why it was a good idea to do the extra trip.
As a reader, I’m perfectly OK with what you have written, as-is. I DO want to know what kinda trouble they found.
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