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MemberOctober 14, 2020 at 12:59 pm
I would definitely read that!
I got hung up on your second full paragraph, and I wonder if you even need it. Everything you say in there is mentioned elsewhere. I think it’s a lot tighter without it.
And the third paragraph starts with information we’re given in the first one, so you could tighten that up – maybe swap out a detail from the second paragraph.