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    Robyn Sarty

    Member
    October 14, 2020 at 12:59 pm

    I would definitely read that!

    I got hung up on your second full paragraph, and I wonder if you even need it. Everything you say in there is mentioned elsewhere. I think it’s a lot tighter without it.
    And the third paragraph starts with information we’re given in the first one, so you could tighten that up – maybe swap out a detail from the second paragraph.

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