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    Adam Jarvis

    October 5, 2020 at 2:29 pm

    Thanks Kell.

    Four different people here all saying this piece lacks energy, combined with some other similar, recent feedback, suggests this is not working and likely the wrong place to start the book. Barbara in her room may be reflective of her current life situation, but it appears too much focus is drawn to this, and people react by feeling the book has a slow start. I’ll scrap this scene and integrate the information provided here into the first chapter some other way.