Reply To: Jac Harmon – Book Hook

[Nicole Muchowski]

I’m just getting to the book hook course, so I haven’t gone through the exercise, but I think you’re close.

I think Adam’s suggestion really pops and addresses Mark’s comment.

Victorian London is frozen and dirty money is hard to come by. An easy house breaking job for gang boss Septimus Brand drops in his lap, except it goes wrong. Jack Martyn suspects he’s been set up.
If he’s right, then the bloke behind it wants him dead. To stay alive
he’ll have to find the real culprit. Real quick.

Hmmm, that feels too long. What about?

Victorian London is frozen and dirty money is hard to come by. When an easy burglary goes wrong Jack Martyn suspects he’s been set up.
If he’s right then the bloke behind it wants him dead. To stay alive
he’ll have to find the real culprit. Real quick.

(just listened to BXP 26? – interviewee said he rewrites his blurbs and descriptions for Amazon page all the time, so each draft may be finished but not perfect).