MemberOctober 1, 2020 at 10:05 pm
You’re a great writer! This is beautiful! I could really picture the light coming into the room and I felt the character’s emotions. They came across real and convincing.
With that, it seems your character is feeling slow and apathetic and tired. You convey it so well that it made me feel a bit slow and apathetic and tired! And I wonder if that’s what you want in a first page?!
Does it reflect the pace of the book? Does it grab your ideal reader and give them what they’re looking for in terms of energy/action/atmosphere? I don’t know what type of book this is (haven’t read the other comments, I’m afraid), who your ideal reader is, it what they’re expecting—so your opening might be spot on. But I just want to check that this has the right energy to entice them into the book?
I’ve heard first pages should hint at the tone of the book, and I suspect from this that your book will be beautifully reflective and introspective. That’s wonderful! (Assuming it’s accurate!)
And even from these few sentences, I can tell you’re a gifted writer!