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    Adam Jarvis

    October 1, 2020 at 7:21 pm

    Quick turnaround between V1 and V2!

    But – I think you should leave in the bit about the weather, as reading your blurb, it’s vital to the plot. Mark’s comment is that it doesn’t flow within the book hook – the idea of London freezing doesn’t follow into an easy burglary going wrong.

    Maybe start with something to set the stage which includes the weather, like: Victorian London is frozen and dirty money is hard to come by.

    I like the inclusion of Septimus Brand in the second version, raises the stakes nicely (getting involved with a gang is always bad news). The original version was much snappier, though, so some hybrid between the two could work.

    And, I’ll admit, I miss the stove-pipe hat.

    What about:

    Victorian London is frozen and dirty money is hard to come by. Jack Martyn takes an easy job for gang leader Septimus Brand, but when it goes sour, Jack gets the blame. The only way to stay alive is to is to find the bloke who set him up. Now if the bugger in the stove-pipe hat would just stop following him…

    (Hmm…on reflection, that last line might stray into blurb territory too much. But I really like the image of it from your blurb…)