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    Jan Carr

    Member
    September 30, 2020 at 7:39 am

    Hi Barb,

    I’d cut ‘only what she doesn’t want’ and a lot of the first para so that you can give the second more oomph. Also agree with Chris about specifics – where she runs away to ie where aunt is will help with the tone of the story – running away to the Appalachian Mountains will give a completely differently feel to the story than if she runs away to New York for instance.

    Is the ‘secret’ the main thread of the story? If so I’d big that up a bit to make it more specific – how is the secret revealed? What happens What does Paula do – in one short sentence if poss! What work issues – thought keep it to the biggest one and what opportunity happens to make her reconsider who she could be?

    I like the last line because it suggests Paula’s journey from disillusioned singleton too…. strong independent wonder woman?

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