MemberSeptember 18, 2020 at 10:38 pm
Hi again Adam
Have now read the rest of your page
First para question to make me read on – what’s happened to mum? you hint at B’s age with her attitude to the pink dresser but it would be good to know. She sounds just pre teen C age for MG.
When she slumps on the bed, what happens to the ribbons? What’s B doing? playing with them? If she’s just looking how about showing us how she’s feeling – about her mum? And giving us some of her internal monologue. What’s it like to be Barbara at that moment?
I really like the picture of uncle working away next door – also prompts good story questions – what’s he doing? why is it significant?
I’m not sure about the ribbons offering no opinion.
B’s hair could help you with what it’s like to be Barbara – is her hair tangled? does she brush it? You have her flicking at split ends what does she think about those?
Does that help at all?