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    Sadye Paez

    Member
    September 18, 2020 at 1:47 pm

    Some thoughts after reading the first page…

    This line – She glanced at the ribbons again. They offered no opinion. – stood out to me, particularly with my thoughts about the first line not yet hinting at the significance of the ribbons and of that item being the last thing her mother gave to Barbara. And then she uses them!

    So it remains unclear as to their significance and leaves me wondering what happened to her mother, why is she staying at her uncles house (temporary? permanent?), why she does not want to go anywhere if she can avoid it…

    <font face=”inherit”>In ~200 words, I think you introduce many questions about Barbara and this moment in her life. </font>You<font face=”inherit”> give some vivid </font>details<font face=”inherit”> about the environment – the room, her uncle making noise in a workshop next door – but are building the story. So I am intrigued as to where this is going next.</font>

    <font face=”inherit”>(Also note – I have not read your hook, blurb, and/or synopsis, so my thoughts here are purely based on these words 🙂 )</font>

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