Hi Jan,
I think this reads really well and gives a good idea of where it’s going. The only thing I’d add to the other comments is maybe to increase the sense of peril and the odds being stacked against them. The Blackshirts are organised and have been planning this for a while, and they are close to succeeding when Baby etc get involved. Just to increase tension from the off. Sounds great though. All the best, Darren
