The Bestseller Forums

Get feedback, ask questions, find answers

Home Forums Blurbs Beta Blurb – The Trials of Walter Hall Reply To: Beta Blurb – The Trials of Walter Hall

  • Avatar

    Brian Liew [YA-SF-GrimDark]

    Member
    September 15, 2020 at 12:36 pm

    Hi Darren,

    When reviewing my blurb, you said it wasn’t ‘your genre’ but you seem to be doing YA (Urban) Fantasy, so… maybe not too different?

    In regards to your book being in first person and whether the blurb should be… I don’t think it matters. What I was doing previously was opening my blurbs with a gripping/intruging and indicative quote from (early in) the text and then have the more removed third person description/sales pitch following that. It is a reasonably common thing to do and can work well.

    I assume opening line “When the fourth bale burns, so comes hell.” is separate from the rest of the text. That is, it would in a different font/typeface/size/colour to set it apart. Is that correct? If that is not the case, then it doesn’t flow into “Death and pain…”

    Likewise, I assume the next two lines will not be so far separated from each other. It’s a pity we can’t format properly here Frowning

    I like the rest, but I get the feeling that this kind of poetry/prose is going to be loved or hated — which is fine if its indicative of the prose inside the book. You don’t want to mislead.

    Oh, and “Water has allies .. And who is …” kind of implies the Blood Cap is an ally. I am not sure if it should or not. Again, this probably comes down to how you would format it on the back cover.

    (Let’s see if the formatting I attempted below sticks)

    When the fourth bale burns, so comes hell.
    Death and pain plague the broken Walter Hall.
    Yet he feels protected.
    When the Border Reivers come, one, two, three from the frozen concrete, the pain dissolves.
    Lawless men born four hundred years past. Men to whom murder and blackmail are their daily bread.
    A King will follow with an army of Reivers, and creatures that are said to be myths.
    What they crave will rip at Walter’s sanity and take those most precious.
    Goodbye, Mum. But…
    Walter has allies.
    The eccentric Clarke, a wisp of a boy who has taught himself the art of war.
    Asha, a snowball packed so tight as to break your jaw.
    And who is so sleepless with revenge? So many centuries, this one who soaks his cap in blood.
    Walter Hall will discover that to be a saviour, you must heal the mind and destroy the rest.
X