The Bestseller Forums

Get feedback, ask questions, find answers

Home Forums Blurbs Beta Blurb – End of the DEW Line Reply To: Beta Blurb – End of the DEW Line

  • Avatar

    Darren Bodey

    Member
    September 15, 2020 at 3:42 am

    Hi Nicole,

    Sounds like a great story, I’d be interested to read it. I think your blurb does a good job of describing what the book is about but it doesn’t provide enough tension or have enough of a hook, for me.

    It feels like you’ve put a little bit too much info in at times. For example in the first paragraph I think it reads better as “In the frigid arctic, a small outpost is being built. It will complete an early warning system for the increasing threat of incoming Soviet bombers. “ Or similar.

    In the second paragraph I like finding out who he is and what he does. He likes the isolation but misses his family etc. But I found it being a “dud missile” and having to remain for “repairs and rerouting” not very enticing. I am sure it would be a tense event and heart-wrenching for Mac but in the blurb I think it needs amping up.

    Final paragraph is more enticing with the more cynical Tom Cat and the escalation in events and revealing that there is likely a saboteur. The last line feels too long. It would feel better being more clean cut. i.e. “Save the base or save his family”. What implications are there if the base is not saved? Nuclear weapons, an undefended attack on the US? Just losing the base doesn’t sound like such a big deal on it’s own, but what the implications of losing the base are, does. And what implication for Mac? If he doesn’t leave now will he lose all hope of seeing his family again? Is the choice that stark?

    Hope this helps and best of luck with it,

    Darren

X