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    Jan Carr

    September 13, 2020 at 7:17 pm

    Hi Mark

    I think I do the same as you with my book 2 blurb – ie starting off referring to book1.

    Yours really takes off for me with the ‘bizarre creatures’ – i really want to see those! Perhaps in this para when you mention Byron you could add that he’s Richard’s former mentor now mortal enemy or something?

    I really like your MC’s impossible choice – lose his humanity or stop a war? I’d like to know little bit more about Richard. I’d also like to know specifically what Richard has to do to ‘find another way and by when – what’s the ticking clock? (For the first draft of Book3 I’m writing for Nano and the one I’m using for the beta blurb exercise I’m finding it very hard to get specific as I usually discover these things along the way!)

    I did trip up at the beginning with ‘Richard has won for now’ – it didn’t mean anything to me and then with the mention of his former mentor I was expecting tragedy rather than betrayal – though the unexpected can be good!

    I think I’m getting what you’re going with Fairy tales don’t tell the whole story but that’s not quite working for me yet – perhaps unpack that a bit?

    Do you have a draft of this story yet ?