MemberSeptember 9, 2020 at 5:01 pm
Great hook, very streamlined. I’m struggling with mine I can’t get it to shrink
Ok so going with the 5 questions Mark posed for Book Hooks;
- Who is your main character? Barbara
- Where does the story take place? Ribbon Road
- What’s the problem? Her Uncle accidentally sent her to a dangerous place and now She needs to get home
- Why does it matter? she is going to be killed if she can’t escape? Or maybe because She needs to get home if she wants to find her mother?
- How does the main character solve the problem? By stopping a war between two worlds. (By repelling the monster trying to eat the planet?/saving her uncle?)
I think you hit them all there except maybe where it takes place? That may make it stronger as it says she needs to make her way home but the reader isn’t going to know if she is lost in her home town or an alternate universe.
Maybe something like;
A malfunctioning invention sends 11 year old Barbara to a dangerous new world -The Ribbon Road. Armed only with a bag of baby carrots and her hair ribbons she must stop a war between worlds to find her way home and hopefully discover what really happened to her missing mother.
When 11 year old Barbara is thrown into one of her crazy uncle’s inventions, she finds herself transported to a dangerous new land- The Ribbon Road. Armed only with a bag of baby carrots and her hair ribbons she must stop a war between worlds to find her way home and hopefully discover what really happened to her missing mother.
Just another idea. I’m not sure of your story details so it may not hit the mark, but I hope that was some help.