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    Jan Carr

    Member
    September 7, 2020 at 6:53 pm

    Hi Adam,

    It’s great that you focus on the character – Im really clear that this story is about Barbara – I always look for the character – who’s the story about?

    At the three paras are really clear too – intro Barbara, her problem Uncle throwing her into his invention, what she has to do – survive and fine her Mum. I think it just needs streamlining a bit.

    I like the last line too.

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