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    Kell Shaw

    September 7, 2020 at 11:23 am

    Hi Josh

    Great idea. I’m just commenting on the blurb at the moment (as that’s just the part of the workshop I’m up to).

    I think my main comment on the blurb is that it doesn’t have a lot of context. If I was randomly browsing on Amazon, or at a book store, I’d be going “Who is Rhys Hoffman? And who is Nia, and how did she turn a magical world into such a mess?”

    I don’t think you need to put the other character’s names in brackets. And why does Nia need to get into a church compound, or find the Hell Hammer?

    I think the blurb should at least introduce the world in a few broad, brush stroke sentences, then introduce the crisis.

    Something like – “The Vanguard was once a magical realm of wonder and talking animals. Thanks to Nia’s last visit, it’s become a hell hole of murder and mercenaries. Now she must return to avenge the death of Rhys Hoffman, her [friend/mentor/X]. But the only way she can pursue vengeance to find the three fragments of the Hell Hammer [because ??? what will it do?]. Her only allies are….”

    Just a rough idea. Hopefully this helps.