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    aaron brooks

    Member
    September 7, 2020 at 5:19 am

    Hi Sandra:) This sounds right up my alley! YA fantasy:)

    I’ve attached below the blurb for Game of Thrones. I think what it does well is it gives setting and a bit of context first, before it hits you with more detail/characters.

    Thera sounds like a badass, but I don’t know what a communicant is. Does that mean she’s like Eleven from Stranger Things (move shit with her mind), or is she a mind reader? And I’m not sure what emergence is either… Does that mean she’s the chosen one??

    I love the idea that her husband is going to become some wild creature (?) thing… Can he come on the journey to meet the duke? speaking of the Dukes. I wasn’t quite sure which one–her father, or Ambrose–was being installed… A little confusing the way it’s phrased.

    I think that you need to hold the readers hand a little more. You threw a lot of terms–sentient forest, communicant, emergence, soul brother–I felt like I was jumping in the rapids without a raft. You know the book and the world well–that’s clear– but we don’t. When you said: soul brother, Farnash, grey Wolf of the Elanraigh. I was like wow, that sounds fucking cool. But I wasn’t sure what it meant. Is Farnash a wolf? Are they melding together to become (as you said) a ‘new being’– and is that being a badass wolf-man?? Please tell me it’s a bad ass wolf man:)

    So, in summation, I would give setting, and a little more detail. For example, this is just spit balling but, you could say something like… In a time long ago, in a land where forests can feel as people do, and shadowy mages manipulate the hearts of men, the daughter of a Duke has discovered she has special powers. She is a communicant–a mind reader. Will her newfound abilities save her when her husband-to-be undergoes the ritual of soul-brothering–turning him into a Jekyll and Hyde Wolf creature?… yada yada yada… something along those lines…

    Hope this was helpful!

    Gonna post my blurb soon too!

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    Long ago, in a time forgotten, a preternatural event threw the seasons out of balance. In a land where summers can last decades and winters a lifetime, trouble is brewing. The cold is returning, and in the frozen wastes to the north of Winterfell, sinister and supernatural forces are massing beyond the kingdom’s protective Wall. At the center of the conflict lie the Starks of Winterfell, a family as harsh and unyielding as the land they were born to. Sweeping from a land of brutal cold to a distant summertime kingdom of epicurean plenty, here is a tale of lords and ladies, soldiers and sorcerers, assassins and bastards, who come together in a time of grim omens.

    Here an enigmatic band of warriors bear swords of no human metal; a tribe of fierce wildlings carry men off into madness; a cruel young dragon prince barters his sister to win back his throne; and a determined woman undertakes the most treacherous of journeys. Amid plots and counterplots, tragedy and betrayal, victory and terror, the fate of the Starks, their allies, and their enemies hangs perilously in the balance, as each endeavors to win that deadliest of conflicts: the game of thrones.

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