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    Darren Bodey

    Member
    October 26, 2020 at 5:21 am

    Hi Chris,

    Love the title and the premise. I think the hook does its job really well but would benefit from a little bit more cutting down. That first sentence feels a little too long. I think ‘newly’ and ‘reluctantly’ could go and maybe ‘high school’ and ‘Art Crimes Unit (although this is cool), and ‘behind’? Just suggestions but a bit of tweaking might help. I would play around with the second line too – something like… ‘When she becomes the number one suspect, failing to solve the case is no longer an option.’ All the ingredients are there though and sounds awesome 🙂

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