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Home Forums First Lines & Page 1 First line and page 1 of ‘Bert…so far’ Reply To: First line and page 1 of ‘Bert…so far’

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    Kell Shaw

    Member
    October 16, 2020 at 5:18 am

    Hi Jan – I quite like this. It’s clear and straightforward. Bert loves her father, the boat business and helping him out. I guess my main comment is that I can’t tell where the story is going from the first page – the ‘promise of the premise’? You suggest that there’ll be a big shake-up to Bert’s family soon, but this isn’t foreshadowed on the first page. I’m not saying it has to be here, but I’d prefer a hint of where this is going in the text.

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