Home › Forums › Book Hooks › Rose Thompson: Feeding Jasmine Valentine Book Hook › Reply To: Rose Thompson: Feeding Jasmine Valentine Book Hook
MemberSeptember 26, 2020 at 2:58 pm
Ha! Love it. Definitely catchy, and definitely something that would intrigue me to pick up this book.
But, I think you’re straying into blurb territory too much. This is something that would look great on the back of a book, as the headliner for your blurb, or even on the front cover. But for a book hook it doesn’t quite answer all the questions to make it that elevator pitch.
I would suggest, for the purposes of the hook, starting with the character names: “Julianne and Daisy have been flatmates forever”. This way you establish character and enough of a location, a flat in presumably a city and the sort of place where they use the word flat.
The next line establishes intrigue, and I love the flow of it. But after “Neither of them knows it yet”, there needs to be something else, something that explains what the stakes are. What is the key problem they’ll have to solve as a result of the sudden discovery of magical abilities? Or, what do they have to do to hide/cure themselves/learn to use their abilities? But in your case, probably something that hints at the title, the idea of trying to feed the city to keep one of them alive. That way, more than just a premise (and this is an awesome sounding premise), you give a sense of how this will play out if someone were interested in reading and/or publishing your story.