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    Mike Revell

    September 25, 2020 at 10:12 am

    Hi Pippa,

    I love the first one! Really brilliant logline and it would 100% make me pick up the book. I’d also vote for keeping “mega-city” in there, because it works as a mini hook that makes you want to know more about the world.

    The second one I think works better as something that could go on the back cover of the book itself.

    The Warrior Bards have misinterpreted the legends… this is a strong opening, and would be really compelling as part of the blurb. It gets a bit confusing towards the end, because you reference “both parties” without us knowing anything about who these parties are. It’s only because of the first logline that we know you probably mean the guilds. (Unless you mean warrior bards/pyromancers?)