-
Hi Kell,
Despite Darren’s comment of not having done the course yet, I agree. The first sentence is not quite the eye grabber you are going for. You might also want to play around with including the name of your main character, so we know who this repressed office worker is.
I really like the way you trail off at the end though, leaving me with a touch of suspense, and a wish to know more. Good job!