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    Denise Ganley

    Member
    September 12, 2020 at 4:08 am

    Hi Mark, IWRT.

    Though I get a good feel from the book, here are a couple of suggestions.

    “His own magical abilities are strengthening by the day.” I think this needs to be “Richard’s own magical abilities…” because you start with Richard then to Byron then to an unnamed male. So best to clarify that pronoun.

    “Bizarre creatures are appearing all over the country, breaking through weak spots between the worlds of ____ and ___. ” Here’s a good place to insert setting. Maybe the human world and the fae? Or however you describe them in the book?

    “Can he stop the war?” War between who? Maybe be explicit here?

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