Home › Forums › Blurbs › Blurb attempt…A Scourge of Shadows (a YA/Adult high fantasy- Book 2) › Reply To: Blurb attempt…A Scourge of Shadows (a YA/Adult high fantasy- Book 2)
- MemberSeptember 8, 2020 at 8:10 am
There’s a lot of exciting stuff here, secrets, love in danger, magical rituals… I would read this.
But the blurb has too many in-world terms that we need to be introduced to more slowly. For the purposes of a blurb I would not use more than a couple terms unique to your world. Here is how I might rewrite this for someone who has no frame of reference to your world yet. I hope it helps.
Thera, an heiress and guardian of an ancient and sentient forest, is determined to win the consent of the King for her union with her love, the warrior Chamakin. However, Chamakin holds a secret that threatens their future together- that he is about to undergo a magical ritual that will merge him with his soul brother. But will Thera love this new being that is no longer just her beloved Chamakin? There’s no time for the young lovers to resolve this before Thera must journey with her father for his new installation and title under the King.
Meanwhile, Lord Ambrose, who had previously coveted and unsuccessfully bid for Thera’s hand, sees his opportunity in Thera’s newfound uncertainty and works to cajole the King’s consent to his pursuit of marriage. But Lord Ambrose’s motivations are shadowed, and he is determined to manipulate Thera’s gifts of heart and mind for his own purposes.
[I think it needs 1 more sentence to cap it off still..]