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MemberSeptember 7, 2020 at 9:09 pm
Hi Sandra. IWRT
I also agree with previous commenters: there’s a lot going on, quick pace left me a little breathless.
Would it be accurate to say: “Thera and Ttamarini are loyal subjects in the sentient Elanraigh Forest”? (we can learn about their “kind” and roles as we read the book). They are determined to win the consent of the King for their union.
“When Thera learns of a secret, a magical ritual, fear and uncertainty take hold, awakening shadows deep beneath the Elanraigh Forest. Chamakin, however, wishes to be reunited with his soul-brother.”
“There’s no time for the young lovers to resolve this before Thera must journey … (this section is where I find there’s too much going on -would it be accurate to say something like: “…must embark on a journey to Cythia, the kingdom at the heart of Elanraigh.”?)
“Before she can be joined with her beloved, Thera will accompany her father to Cythia for his ordination?/coronation?/ceremony? Keeping her powers a secret, she must face an old lover and an unscrupulous mage. (you had a few questions in the blurb. I think if you end with just one question here). Will Thera and Chamakin be able to (achieve goal/defeat antagonist before deadline)?”
Side note: My thought, as I was reading, was this was a great start to a synopsis. By that I mean, maybe take this draft blurb and run with it to the end (all the spoilers and juicy bits revealed). Then the synopsis can be used to build your blurb: pick our the details you want to highlight, and identify those you want to hint at to draw the reader in.