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    Adam Jarvis

    September 4, 2020 at 12:18 am

    Hey Josh – I have some thoughts and some suggestions.

    So, first, I think the pitch works well. Many love the Narnia stories and spicing them up is always fun. I know of another, a trilogy called The Magicians, which is like Narnia meets Harry Potter meets Death Metal, and it did quite well.

    For the synopsis, I do not think this is what it is meant to be. Typically, a synopsis is a summary of the story, start to finish, including plot twists, and the ending. It should introduce all the main characters and give us an idea of who they are and the rolls they play. For example: You main character is not mentioned by her full name; Jackdaw and his two companions are not mentioned by name, only alluded to.

    The blurb has some good, intriguing lines. The idea of a hedgehog and a mutt, particularly with the earlier reference to Narnia brings about some great images, especially drawing on some material from the Narnia movies. And the hook at the end is good, implying many more challenges for your protagonist than you can list here.

    But, the blurb leaves too many questions, and doesn’t connect enough of the ideas. After reading it and thinking on it for a while, I thought:

    • Who is Rhys Hoffman? What does Hoffman mean to Fisher? (People reading the blurb will not necessarily have access to your synopsis.)
    • What organization (or at least kind of organization) did they all work for?
    • What is the Hell Hammer? What does it do? Why does Fisher need it?
    • Why is Fisher specifically hunting Russel, rather than going after Church?
    • What is the significance of the nicknames for the two antagonists?

    It’s not that I think you need to answer all these questions, but either remove some of the information or provide hints or connections. For example, if the nicknames aren’t all that important, you could just remove them from the blurb (readers will find it out when they read the book). Or, provide some idea of what Fisher wants the Hell Hammer for and how it will help her avenge Rhys, her ultimate goal. And so on.

    Anyway, I hope these thoughts help you in continuing to develop your idea, as it does sound interesting. And, I’ll admit to struggling to write these things too, take my advice with that caveat.